Under the Dancing Feet

If you are just starting out in the world of BDSM, you may have the wrong expectation, leading you to think you can just walk into a dungeon, and find someone to do a scene with. In BDSM, this is referred to as "pickup play", and unfortunately, it's not very common. The thing is, a BDSM scene typically requires some planning, so most of them are planned days or even weeks in advance, and are done between tops and bottoms that already have established some level of relationship already. There are folks who are OK (or even prefer) with pickup play, but those may not be easy to find, and frankly, I don't really recommend it. One challenge with pick-up play is the fact that it can be dangerous. In another post I discussed some of the health-related challenged with BDSM play, and the problem with pick-up play is that it may not leave enough time for the players to properly get acquainted and negotiate the content of the scene thoroughly enough. My advice for newbies is...

I like to say "Violence is not the answer...unless I am the one asking the question". Indeed, whatever your thoughts are about BDSM, there's no denying that it is, in fact, violent, and involves causing some level of physical harm to another human being. However, most BDSM bottoms do prefer to survive the experience, and their tops also prefer to have living subjects rather than dead ones. Here are a few thoughts and ideas about keeping it safe. The foundation for any BDSM play is consent, of course, but consent can be a bit more complicated than just saying yes or no. One challenge with consent is the fact that during a BDSM scene, the bottom may be flooded with hormones (endorphins, adrenaline etc), which could affect their judgement. It's not uncommon for a bottom to feel a need for more, or to go further in the scene than originally planned, but in that situation, the bottom may be 'legally' impaired (as in, their ability to make rational decisions may be...