If you are just starting out in the world of BDSM, you may have the wrong expectation, leading you to think you can just walk into a dungeon, and find someone to do a scene with. In BDSM, this is referred to as "pickup play", and unfortunately, it's not very common.
The thing is, a BDSM scene typically requires some planning, so most of them are planned days or even weeks in advance, and are done between tops and bottoms that already have established some level of relationship already. There are folks who are OK (or even prefer) with pickup play, but those may not be easy to find, and frankly, I don't really recommend it.
One challenge with pick-up play is the fact that it can be dangerous. In another post I discussed some of the health-related challenged with BDSM play, and the problem with pick-up play is that it may not leave enough time for the players to properly get acquainted and negotiate the content of the scene thoroughly enough.
My advice for newbies is to adjust your own level of expectation. You might be lucky enough to run into another willing pick-up player, but you shouldn't expect to. Instead, focus on building relationships and a solid network of friends. Introduce yourself to people, spend time talking to them and understanding who and what they are, connect on FetLife, and most important - be patient. Once you have built yourself a reputation and have people who are glad to see you at your local dungeon, that's where you can start negotiating scenes. Even then, be prepared that many tops are in high-demand, and may take a while to find an available date and time to do a scene. Consider the fact that even though the actual scene may take only 30-60 minutes, there's a lot of preparation for the top, as well as a cleanup routine that also takes a while. As a result, most tops won't commit to more than two scenes in a single night, and many won't commit to more than one. Keep in mind, though, that good things are worth waiting for, and busy tops are usually the better ones, meaning you will have a better experience.
The thing is, a BDSM scene typically requires some planning, so most of them are planned days or even weeks in advance, and are done between tops and bottoms that already have established some level of relationship already. There are folks who are OK (or even prefer) with pickup play, but those may not be easy to find, and frankly, I don't really recommend it.
One challenge with pick-up play is the fact that it can be dangerous. In another post I discussed some of the health-related challenged with BDSM play, and the problem with pick-up play is that it may not leave enough time for the players to properly get acquainted and negotiate the content of the scene thoroughly enough.
My advice for newbies is to adjust your own level of expectation. You might be lucky enough to run into another willing pick-up player, but you shouldn't expect to. Instead, focus on building relationships and a solid network of friends. Introduce yourself to people, spend time talking to them and understanding who and what they are, connect on FetLife, and most important - be patient. Once you have built yourself a reputation and have people who are glad to see you at your local dungeon, that's where you can start negotiating scenes. Even then, be prepared that many tops are in high-demand, and may take a while to find an available date and time to do a scene. Consider the fact that even though the actual scene may take only 30-60 minutes, there's a lot of preparation for the top, as well as a cleanup routine that also takes a while. As a result, most tops won't commit to more than two scenes in a single night, and many won't commit to more than one. Keep in mind, though, that good things are worth waiting for, and busy tops are usually the better ones, meaning you will have a better experience.
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